FAMILY…Father and Mother I Love you…these were the words inscribed on the walls of Bandra Family Court. I had gone there with my best friend. She was going through the most difficult phase of her life, “DIVORCE”.
The Indian society gives respect to only those women who live with their husband…no matter how worse the situation is. There is an increase in Divorce rates, especially in the urban areas, however divorced women are still looked upon in a bad way. Every girl wants to have a companion…who will share her happiness and support her during hardships. To move out of a marriage is the biggest and most difficult decision that a woman can take. It calls for a lot of courage especially in the Indian society.
I would like to share two stories…well they are real life incidents which have prompted me to write this post. I shall share the first story today and the next tomorrow.
My friend’s husband was a big businessman and was always busy with his work. My friend had left her job, ‘cos her husband felt there was no need for her to take up one. She used to be at home, with her one year old son. There were maids in the house, and she never had to bother about household chores. She used to attend kitty parties and shop around with friends and lead a happening life. However what she actually wanted was that her husband should spend time with them. She was tired of this life….and started making friends outside. With the passage of time she developed friendship with her husband’s friend. They started talking to each other and spending time together. I don’t know whether what she did was right or wrong. I personally feel that the biggest gift that one can give to others is your TIME. Whwen you give others your time, you make them feel wanted….you make them feel important. There were instances wherein she talked to her husband…about her loneliness…however he always urged her to go out for shopping and be with her friends.She didn’t even have in-laws with whom she could spend time.
Her husband came to know about their relationship…and that was the end of her married life. He filed for divorce. He left my friend and his 1.5 year old son alone. My friend didn’t even receive her jewellery which her dad had given her for marriage, nor did she receive any alimony. My friend’s parents disowned her saying that she was characterless.
My friend now stays with her son in a rented apartment. Her husband has not even once contacted her or her son. She has a job, and keeps her son in a crèche. She handles everything alone….and sometimes it becomes too much for her. She feels that she spoiled her son’s life…and curses herself every day. “Life is not easy”…says my friend who has to answer a thousand questions raised by her neighbours. There are times when she feels to end her life…but then her son’s innocent face gives her the courage to carry on.
Her story left many questions unanswered….I am searching for the answers since last five years.
· Was it entirely her fault…?
· Was Divorce the only solution for this..???
· Why didn’t her parents support her, were they also afraid of the society???
· What is the child’s fault in all this??
· How many more years she can carry on like this???
· Should she be feeling guilty???
I want to know your views on this.
Divorce is a harsh reality of our existence today. But then it is also an indicator at some level of a changing society where women are able to exercise some choices ( though in this case it was probably not her choice). I have friends who have walked out of marriages which were either abusive or exploitative. But it requires a lot of courage and strength for a woman to live alone and manage. And it is sad the way our society always blames a woman for a broken relationship! Looking forward to your next story
According to me, any n evry problem has a solution.Divorce is not a solution.They should have discussed abt the problem n moreover the guy is not matured otherwise he would not have chosen the option of divorce.
If ur friend was only in friendship with someone then its not at all her fault.
Yes of course it's ur friends fault.
Do you think having an illegal relationship is the solution for
Loneliness.
She totally spoiled her sons life.
@ Meera, I agree with you…a woman needs to be strong enough to fight the society and stay alone. And yes a very harsh truth….at the end…it is the woman who is blamed for everything.
She is responsible for whatever happens to the relation, she is responsible for bringing up the kids…its all her duty…why??? Just 'cos she is the lady of the house.
@ Sneha: I liked your attitude "any and every problem has a solution"..true.
@Anonymous: Welcome to my space.
One cannot blame the woman alone…
Also don't you think it was the easiet way for the guy to run away from the situation. What if the same thing was done by the guy????
There are many men who have illicit relationships…but women keep on adjusting.
What irritated me the more was least bothered to take the responsibility of the kid.
Thanks for sharing your views.
Gayu