Celebrating 9 years

Dear Samu,

I still remember the feeling of restlessness and relief when the doctor placed you in my arms on 11th April 2007. I was relieved because it was a tough struggle of 13 hours. Finally you were right there in my arms, crying. I don’t remember if I laughed or cried at that moment. I must admit I was feeling drowsy and all I wanted was some sleep. The nurse took you, while I slept and when I woke up I saw you sleeping peacefully next to me. I was speechless, looking at your innocent face. However, suddenly a sense of fear rose from the pit of my stomach and I cried for hours.

For years I had heard of a mother’s unconditional love, but I wasn’t able to feel that love for you at that moment. I didn’t know how to love you. Children are not born with an instruction manual and at 23 I wasn’t prepared for the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding sessions and responsibilities that came as a package deal for new mothers. There were days when I felt lonely and days when I felt like giving up everything and running away.

 

They say “Everything happens for a reason” and your birth made me believe in this quote even more. I was stuck in the deep dark hole of depression, when you came as a ray of hope to pull me out of it. The journey was challenging. I made a lot of mistakes, yet I chose to fight and find a way out. My aimless life, now had a purpose and that was you. I chose to live for you. I was determined to seek help and break the shackles of depression, just for you. I wanted to shower you with all the love that I never received as a child. In you, I saw the little Jaya.

I began the journey of recovery by painting…red, green, yellow, purple and blue…slowly you added vibrant colours to my black and white life. Suddenly my dull surroundings became bright and I started enjoying my life. Then you danced. And with you I danced as well. You waited till I returned from office just to listen to my stories. You loved travelling and with you I explored some amazing places. If ever the thought of giving up resurfaced, your image flashed in front of me and renewed my hope.

Today as you celebrate your 9th birthday, I wish to thank you for being my lighthouse, for being my answer to life’s questions and above all for choosing me as your mother.

 

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                 One of my favourite clicks 🙂 PC: Swapnil Aptekar

May you continue to enjoy all the wonderful blessings that this beautiful life showers upon you, always!

You inspire me to better my best!

Love and gratitude,

Mumma!

 

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